I'm afraid of having a kid.
I know I should be thrilled and feeling all kinds of motherly things -- and sometimes I do -- but other times I am worried about losing all the freedom I have, for the rest of my life.
Having a baby is a lot of work, and I'm just not sure that I'll be up to it. I'm worried that I'll be tired all the time. I'm worried that I'll be that 0.1% of moms that just doesn't bond with their kid and I'll resent all the screaming and neediness. And even if I do bond with the baby, it will still be a full-time screaming, pooping need machine.
I was never really sure if I wanted kids or not, and I was leaning toward "probably not." It was more like I worried that if I didn't have kids, I'd regret it, and would feel like I missed out on a major part of life. And Dean always really wanted kids, and I really love Dean.
I like my life now (except for the whole pregnancy part). I'm not sure I want or am ready for it to change in this major way.
Luckily, I have another 7 months to mentally prepare myself. And to go see a lot of movies, while I still can.
Well Meredith, I don't know what to say.... Here's hoping once you hold your own you will feel the maternal instinct. I know no greater joy than that I have had because of my children. But don't worry, I know Dean will be a great dad and help you through those exhausting days and nights of pooping and screaming, and of course I will be only too happy to give you a break when you need one!
ReplyDeleteI didn't really super-bond with Bran until after he was born. I experienced the same fears as you, even though I've always really wanted kids. But even with him growing inside of me, I couldn't visualize this little person at all, and I couldn't imagine the enormity of the love I would feel for him when he was born.
ReplyDeleteBut nature is on top of things - it keeps your body on an even keel growing that baby even while your hormones make you feel completely out of whack, and it gives you strength and love and happiness you can't even imagine once that baby shows up. You and Dean are going to make amazing parents - I have no doubts about that!