Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Doubts and Fears

I'm afraid of having a kid.

I know I should be thrilled and feeling all kinds of motherly things -- and sometimes I do -- but other times I am worried about losing all the freedom I have, for the rest of my life.

Having a baby is a lot of work, and I'm just not sure that I'll be up to it. I'm worried that I'll be tired all the time. I'm worried that I'll be that 0.1% of moms that just doesn't bond with their kid and I'll resent all the screaming and neediness. And even if I do bond with the baby, it will still be a full-time screaming, pooping need machine.

I was never really sure if I wanted kids or not, and I was leaning toward "probably not." It was more like I worried that if I didn't have kids, I'd regret it, and would feel like I missed out on a major part of life. And Dean always really wanted kids, and I really love Dean.

I like my life now (except for the whole pregnancy part). I'm not sure I want or am ready for it to change in this major way.

Luckily, I have another 7 months to mentally prepare myself. And to go see a lot of movies, while I still can.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Weight Troubles

Well, apparently if you're obese when you get pregnant, you should only gain 10-15 lbs when pregnant, for the entire pregnancy.

This is a problem. I weighed today and am up 5 lbs already. Noooooooooooooo! Last time I checked, I was actually down a pound in my weight. I've been nauseated a lot and not eating much. On the other hand, I had been dieting beforehand, and that stopped when I found out I was pregnant. Basically, I'm eating food I wouldn't have eaten before, but not much of it. Or, I'll have one big meal when I'm feeling good, but miss another meal entirely due to nausea.

I've been trying to tell myself that it's water weight, but the truth is I'm just going to have to start tracking my food and exercise, and regulate my calorie intake. Even if I've been eating less, I've been exercising less, too. No more derby, and with the nausea and exhaustion, a good week is when I get to the gym twice. :(

Guess I'm off to fitday.com, to start tracking. *sniff*

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Ramzi's Method Says We're Having a Boy!

Apparently there's a thing called Ramzi's method that allows you to determine gender with pretty solid certainty at 6 weeks, if you have an ultrasound.

Basically what the study said was that 97% of boy children were positioned on the right side of the uterus and 97% of girl children are positioned on the left side of the uterus, from 6-10 weeks (at 10 weeks the baby starts moving all over the place).

The ultrasound is a mirror image, so our embryo (on the left side of the sonogram) is on the right side of the uterus, indicating that we're having a boy. You can see my previous post for a sonogram pic.

Someone posted this to our birth group, and all of the moms with kids already confirmed, and it does seem to be very accurate. If you had a baby and still have your sonogram, let me know if this theory matches up!

Catching Up

Sorry I've been so behind on writing in this thing.

I am now 7 weeks, 4 days along! The baby is the size of a blueberry. For all of its tiny-ness, it sure has a major impact on my body and my mood.

The nausea is out of control. I feel queasy every single day now, all day long. Still no vomiting, but I've never been one to throw up much. I really hate it and avoid it at all costs -- I've never thrown up on purpose to feel better afterwards. The nausea is terrible, but so far I've been able to keep everything down. Pretzels seem to help a lot.

It really does blow my mind, though, that this tiny being inside of me can have such a huge impact on how I'm feeling.

I'm emotional, too. Yesterday I started crying at Barnes and Noble, reading "Love You Forever," a children's book about a mom and her son. I managed to pull it together before anyone saw. I felt pretty ridiculous.

Apparently having serious nausea is a sign that you're carrying a girl. The hormones between the mother and the girl embryo clash. I'm not sure if the emotional stuff is universal or not.

In other news, last week we went for the first sonogram! We saw and heard the heartbeat, which was pretty amazing. I was 6 weeks, 1 day along at the time of the sonogram. Here's the pic!


I'm not showing yet, but I definitely look and feel fat. I haven't weighed in over a week. I am afraid to. But I will. I will. Tomorrow. I had to buy new jeans b/c the old ones were hurting me in the waist when I sat down.

Also, I found out this week that I'll be going to Thailand in April for work. I'll be about 13 weeks along then. I think it will be great! I know my way around Bangkok pretty well, and I won't be far enough along to prevent air travel. It will be great to get back there, though I won't have enough time to go to Bangsaen and visit old friends. I'm hoping I can find some awesome baby things while I'm there!

Friday, February 10, 2012

The News

A bit belated, but here's the obligatory positive pee stick photo!

Miscarriage Fears

I am 33 years old and this is the first time I've ever been pregnant (also the first time I ever wanted or tried to be pregnant).

Needless to say, I don't know a lot about it.

Apparently, miscarriages are super common. I had no idea how common they were. I had imagined that miscarriages only happened in the 1700s after taking too much cod liver oil, or something. I had no idea that something like 8-10% of all pregnancies today in 2012 end in miscarriage.

It is terrifying.

Yesterday I saw reports of approximately 5 miscarriages on the October 2012 Birth message board I am on.

I had originally planned to announce the pregnancy on Mon/Tues of this week, if all goes will with the sonogram, but now I'm thinking maybe I should wait, since I'll only be at about 6-7 weeks along at that time.

Thoughts?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Six Weeks?

Right now, I have NO idea how far along I am. My guess is that I'm about 6 weeks. I'll find out for sure on Monday, when I have my first sonogram!

Here are some things you might be curious about:

Are you showing? No, but my pants are fitting tighter. Maybe it's bloating? I hope so! I shouldn't start showing for another month or two at least, but my sister in law (who is very slim) started showing *right away*.

What are your symptoms so far? I feel really cold all the time, I'm thirsty a lot, sensitive breasts, nighttime nausea (but not vomiting yet, thankfully), mild pelvic cramping, extreme fatigue, and occasional cravings.

Are you eating right and working out? Kinda? I am way too tired to go to the gym after work like I had been doing before, but I try to do our Kinect dance game for at least half an hour every night. I am trying to eat normal food and lots of veggies, but I'm not really keeping track of what I eat, and if I have a craving I usually go for it.

Are you SO excited? Yes, right now being pregnant is basically the only thing I can think about. It's not helping me at work.

Do you know what you're going to name him/her? No. We have some frontrunners, but it's way to early to decide on anything 100%.

Other questions? Just ask! I'll definitely update again after the sonogram on Monday.

Also, I really hate the title of this blog. Got other suggestions? Let me know in comments!

Anniversary Surprise!

Welcome to my pregnancy blog!

My husband, Dean, and I were planning to get pregnant in February or March of this year. I'm in a new job and and I have to be there a year before I can get maternity leave. Based on that, we said February at the absolute earliest, would be when we'd start trying to get pregnant.

We talked to some friends about our plan. Everyone said that you needed at least a few months off birth control to get all the hormones out of your system before you really start trying. They said this was what their gynecologists had told them. So, Dean and I decided that I would go off the pill in late December.

Fast forward to late January, and I still hadn't gotten my period. That wasn't a problem, because my cycle was bound to be a little off having gone off the pill, and I was having raging PMS and even cramps.

Dean and I had planned to go to our annual dinner at Etete on January 31. This is the anniversary of our first date, and every year we go to the restaurant where we had our first date.

With my period about 5 days late, and weird symptoms, I decided to pick up a few home pregnancy tests on the way home on the third anniversary of our very first date.

We breezed over the instructions, noticed it said that results would take 3 mins, and I went to take the test. It was a digital test, so it showed a turning hourglass while processing. Within 40 seconds, the test read "Pregnant." But it had only been 40 seconds! What if, while processing, it could say anything, and the test wasn't definite until the 3 minutes had passed? Why hadn't I read the instructions more carefully?

I ran out to Dean and asked to read the instructions again. It said the hourglass would show while processing, but a result could appear in as little as one minute. And it hadn't even been a minute. I must have been seriously pregnant.

I led Dean in to see the result. Even though it was semi-unplanned and we were hoping to wait a few months, he was thrilled and hugged me.

We had a great anniversary dinner that night!